VIBRATIONAL LOVE MATES

Please throw away all those magazines and books that tell you what to wear, and how to act to get a partner. Unless they are talking about vibrational frequency, they are misleading you away from the truth. The information generated by the mainstream media on mating and dating only focuses on the physical maneuvering of matter. But the truth is, we are first vibrational beings with the awesome power to attract and repel energy in all forms. So wouldn’t it be wise to handle all maneuvering from an energetic standpoint.


Stop going to the clubs, the bars and online singles website, unless synchronistic events have lead you there but if you really want to find your mate there are several things that you can do to deliberately draw them into your reality.

KNOW YOURSELF:

What are your values? What are the principles you live by? What are your personality and spiritual strengths? What are your goals? What are your known personality impediments and what are you doing to address them? It is so important to at least begin understanding how you operate because when your match is drawn to you, you will know that they are the one. Do not worry if you can’t answer all of the questions, because some questions cannot be fully realized until you are actually in a relationship where challenges may force you to take stock or reevaluate who you say you are and what you say you believe. So, my suggestion is for you to take some time to write out these questions and answers.

UNDERSTAND YOUR PAST

What do you think a new relationship will provide for you than your previous relationships? What has been the pattern in your previous relationships? Where were you strong in the dynamic? Where were you weak? What can you now contribute in a new relationship? What are you willing to learn from a new relationship?

See, we jump from one person to the next thinking that we will get a ‘fresh start’ from the misery or confusion from the former connection, but in truth, you bring yourself where ever you go and you also bring your past. Although it’s nearly impossible to clean up all of your ‘issues’ before entering a new connection, believe me when I tell you that you will be ahead of the game If you at least attempt to own up to the part you played. Also it’s a great thing to know not only the drama you create, but your areas of strength, we all have them, but often overlook them.

UNDERSTANDING YOUR EXPECTATIONS ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS

Oh, this is a biggie. We all have expectations about what a relationship looks and feels like. We have our tastes on how we believe they should operate, but what I want you to observe in yourself is these questions: Where did I get my ideas about relationships? Do they serve me for who I am right now in life? From what I have learned through my personal experience, what do I now believe about relationships?

WHAT WOULD I LIKE IN A MATE?

We are all drawn to a pretty face and beautiful body, but those are the first to go out of the window when you find that that pretty face and beautiful body lacks integrity and inner security. So what is it that you really seek in a mate? Are you a light worker where service is a strong priority? Are you a high energy person who seeks a less energetic person to provide balance to your energy? Do you have children or want children? What values and principles would you like to share with this person?

We need to know what the Universe is delivering to us, so if the person is not quite what you wanted, you can clarify your list.

WHAT DO I HAVE TO CONTRIBUTE

We just have to go into relationships from a place of empowerment and self sufficiency. This needy, guilt-ridden, manipulative controls has to be put to bed, it’s tacky, hurtful and counterproductive. So with this in mind, what is it that you are willing to contribute to the connection?

Our relationships are changing folks, and we must change as well. The games, manipulations and illogical ways of relating to each other are being quickly snuffed out by Spirit. We must learn to get use to seeing ourselves as vibrational beings that has the power to attract anything that we want in our lives. We must also take personal responsibility for all of our manifestations, knowing that we do have the ability to change whatever it is that no longer serves us.

One of the most disturbing trends that I see in both men and especially in women, is forcing love connections. When a man or woman crosses your path and you are attracted to them, please know that that is only the beginning. But in time, if you find that you do not share important values, ideas and principles, its best to end the connection right then and there. See what is happening is, your vibrational frequency that drew the two of you together, was not enough to keep you together. One or the other has changed frequency, and that’s alright, it happens, they are not the one. The one, will flow with you on a vibrational level, and although you will not always be at the same frequency all the time, your energy will automatically support one another creating a very strong spiritual bond. This is energy, so threatening, screaming, guilting and crying will do nothing for you or your connection. Learn to get still ans focus your energy. Remember also that everyone ain’t for everybody, and a wise and focused person will know this as truth by accepting it and moving on

I hope this information has served you by offering you some insight on the truth of manifestation in the area of relationships. Be honest and gentle because we live in an honest, loving, wise and compassionate Universe that always seeks to give to us our hearts desire, so my goal is to help you to understand exactly what it is in your heart you seek. Blessings always.
Keesha Michelle Washington is a Spiritual Life Guide that supports men and women in living in integrity with their spiritual values and principles. She also assists men and women in finding and maintaining spiritual relationships. She is available to answer questions about spiritual relationships and spiritual growth through her inbox here on FaceBook . You can learn more about her service work by visiting her websites.
TESTIMONIAL
"Keesha truly is a gift from Spirit. Her ability to put you to ease in her readings is just one of the amazing talents she displays during the time you spend with her. Not only is she accurate, intuitive in every sense of the word, she empowers you to follow your own intuition even after you've finished your conversation. Her way of making you feel at home and comfortable is what helped me truly open up to her. She has a candid way of being direct, and if necessary, blunt, but comes to you in such a loving, nurturing manner that you can't help but stare at your issues right in the face."~Kristine, Canada


first thing one must do is get to know yourself and what it is that you are looking for and what you would like to contribute in a relationships. Remember, we are placing our order for our mate by sending out a vibrational signal

WHY YOUR BELOVED IS PUSHING YOU AWAY

Spiritual relationships do not operate like the physical relationships we have grown addicted to. In a spiritual relationship, two people are drawn together because their souls are ready to evolve further along their path and ther souls have sent out a 'ready signal' to the one that shares a similiar vibrational frequency.

In meeting, the bond seems instant, a feeling of finally being home. This feeling is actually a soul recognition. In a spiritual relationship, you form a relationship from the etheral down to the denser physical level. The bond is very deep and very beautiful. But for the one that needs the most healing out of the pair, this bonding process is very frightening.

Every one of my clients that come to me seek me out because they are perplexed by their beloveds' 'wacky' behavior. One minute they are in deep love with them, ready to give them their life, then the next minute they won't answer their phone, emails or text like they do not exist. This leaves the other partner not only confused, but extremely frustrated and in heartwrenching pain.

Why does your beloved do these things? FEAR. This dynamic is call the 'push-pull dance' and its a necessary part of the bonding process in connecting from a spiritual relationship. Most forget that the coming together for any relationship is for the purpose of spiritual growth, first...all else is fringe benefits. Relationships are our incubator for development. In this sacred space, we have the opportunity to correct erroneous thoughts and behaviors about ourselves and others. We have been miseducated to believe that relationships SHOULD BE this smoothsailing paradise where we lick each other until our skin gets ashy...wrong!

When two connect, you will usually find one who holds the anchoring light and one who hold the ambivalent light. Although the love is very strong between the two, it appears that the one who holds the 'ambivalent light' is playing games, but on a deeper level, they are afraid of the intensity of the union. This intensity filtrates down to the soul of a person, its the light of love. The intensity of this love is unlike anything they have ever felt before, so they do not know how to respond, but to run. They come back because they know from a deeper level that this is their path to enlightment.

So what does the one who holds the 'anchoring light' do? Stay the course, have compassion and deepen your spiritual practice. You too are being quickened in your spirit, but the lesson is different, the lesson is on trust and faith. Resist responding in anger and lashing out by playing games. learn to process the feelings that come up in creative ways such as writing, singing, dancing or any energetic release tehniques.

Relationships are changing to it's original intent from Spirit, so all the other junk and misconceptions that we have accumulated must be eradicated. This process must be done on evry level of our being. Those of us that has the ability to hod greater spiritual light and the healing capacity are usually the 'front runners' in this evolutionary stage. be brave and continue to trust and walk your path, no one will be left alone, no one!

Your Friend,
Keesha

Spiritual relationships 101: COOPERATION

Most relationships that are in crisis can be attributed to the fact that they an ineffective cooperation system. There is a natural order to the cosmos. Nothing exists without meaning and all things are connected. Life is this carefully constructed symphony that is all inclusive and cooperative.

Our ancestors were successful in developing the sciences and surviving in great abundance because they knew that in order to live and thrive in this world, you must have a cooperative relationship with everything and everyone. They understood the power of cooperation and they knew the grave consequences of non-cooperation. We have been so far removed from our ancestral wisdom and customs that we have forgotten the nature and practice of cooperation, or working together.

In order for cooperation to be possible and have power, there must be three elements; the first element is a governing basic assumption, a rule in which the pattern of cooperation will function. The second element is a system of feedback. There has to be interplay, a sort of dialogue between all parties involved in the cooperative effort. The final element is adaptability. There can be any factors that disrupt plans or cooperative goals, so the system must be willing to adapt to keep the efforts flowing.

For example, in order for grass to grow, there is a system of feedback between the earth, air, grass and sunlight. The basic assumption is that each element will show up to play its part in the growth of the grass at a specific time of year for a specific duration. Let’s say one year the grass did not grow healthy, thick and strong, one can look to the cooperative elements to figure out the problem; either the feedback system was off or the governing basic assumption was tinkered with. In either event, one or more of the parties within this cooperative system will adapt to the disruption of their goal to grow healthy, strong green grass. There could be a million variables as to why the grass did not grow as planned, but as long as there is a cooperative system in place there is a greater chance for goals to be met.

Cooperative Relationships

Successful romantic relationships have functional cooperation systems. There is feedback, a basic assumption and adaptability; to ensure that the relationship survives and evolves. As mentioned previously, relationships that are in crisis have an ineffective cooperative system. These relationships do have some level of cooperation but oftentimes the system in set up to be counterproductive to the growth and expansion of the relationship.

Kia and Nasair

Kia and Nasair is a young couple looking to start a family. Lately they have been arguing over whether or not Kia will quit her job to stay home and be a full time mom. Nasair feels like Kia should quit her job and be a full time mom. He believes that it is Kia’s duty as a wife and mother to raise their children on a fulltime basis. Then there is Kia who is absolutely livid with Nasair’s demands for her to give up her fulltime career , a career she spend many years and lots of money to get training for. She didn’t want to spend all of her younger tears cooped up in the house slowly become brain dead and out of touch with the greater world.

It’s obvious that Kia and Nasair’s cooperative system is becoming counterproductive, and if not straightened out, the whole relationship will implode in on itself.

Governing Basic Assumptions
Every party in a cooperative relationship brings its own governing assumptions. Meaning they have an overall idea of what position they are going to play. The basic assumptions are the most fundamental element to a cooperative relationship because if the assumptions are not clear and the positions are not in alignment with each other, the system will be chaotic and opposing.

Nasair’s basic assumption is that men should work and women should raise the children. He knew that Kia loved her career and worked hard at it. But he assumed that once it came time to start a family, that Kia would happily give up her career to stay home and raise the children.

Kia’s basic assumption is that a woman should contribute more to life than just having babies and serving men. Kia knew that Nasair had different ideas about the role women played in family and society, but she assumed that once it came time to start a family, he would take into consideration her passion for her career and respect her stance on the role of women.

It’s obvious that both Kia and Nasair’s governing basic assumptions are not in alignment with each other and must be revisited and revised in order for them even to determine whether having a family is an option for the relationship.

Feedback
The feedback between the couple had become confusing at best. Neither one could decipher the others signals on which way to bring their goal to completion. Their basic assumptions are governing the flow and content of feedback that circulates between them.

Adaptability
There are many options for this couple to work together in reaching their goal, but they must allow themselves to become adaptable to each other. This may take revisiting and restructuring their basic assumptions, which is not easy for some couples, but it is quite apparent where the block to cooperation exists.

Your Love Relationship


If you find that your relationship is suffering, before you throw in the towel and give up, first take a look at your system of cooperation. Here are some steps that can ensure your system runs smoothly every time.

Write down the goal. What is the goal that you both are working towards? Writing down the goal is extremely important. Each person’s minds and emotions are usually scattered at this point, so it’s best to pull the goal out of your minds by writing it down clearly for both to see and in this way you have a tangible guide post to return to when necessary.

There usually are more than one goal couples are working towards, but in working to readjust the flow of your system, it’s advisable to work on one goal at a time until you get a rhythm that is more harmonious and effective.

Reflect and write down your basic assumption. Once the goal is written out, the next step is to take time to think about your assumptions as it relates to this goal. Here are some questions you can answer for starters:
• What position did you agree to play?
• What are some of the ideas, resources or time you assumed you would be contributing?
• What ideas, resources or time you assumed your mate would contribute?
• What are your assumptions about the benefits or disadvantages of achieving this goal?

Evaluate your feedback system. This is where you will unravel the ways in which you and your mate relay information to one another. This part may take some careful observation because oftentimes we act and speak to one another in reactionary ways. We do not pay attention to what is really being communicated. A word to the wise when evaluating your feedback style, please suspend judgment. Your only task at this time is to reflect, observe and make notes.

Have an Adaptability Plan. My mama use to always tell me to never place all my eggs in one basket. This adage instilled in me that my plans or goal may not go as I envisioned in my mind, and that I must make enough room to change or adapt to reach my goal.

• What are some ways that you are willing to adjust to make your cooperative system work?
• What are your deal breakers?
• Where have you been unmovable or stubborn?


Once both you and your mate have completed these steps, you can now sit down and discuss new ways to cooperate with one another to reach your goal.

Some may ask, but what if my mate does not want to do this list with me, what shall I do? You can complete this list as an individual, this is being adaptable. In truth, it should not take for your mate to change for you to change; the system will change even if only one decides to come on board, so why not make your influence positive and effective.

In sum, we must approach our love relationships with the same forethought and consciousness as our ancestors, who were wise enough to fall in line with the process of nature. They studied the workings of things that sustained their lives and the life around them. They replicated these systems of nature throughout all aspects of their lives and relationship. They knew that cooperation is the governing principle to achieving great things. Many Blessings on your journey!

When Someone You Love Ain't Acting Right

I cannot count how many clients seek out my services because they are having problems with their mate’s behavior. To them, it seems like no matter how hard they try, their partners just don’t want to follow the “program”. They just cannot understand why someone who profess’ that they love them would do things like runaway, cheat or lie. They come to me feeling the terrible pain of anger, loneliness, frustration and sadness.

The men and women that I work with are not novice to spirituality. Most of them have a great deal of spiritual practice under their belts. They are out in the community sharing their experience strength and hope by helping others to find their path. Yet some of them don’t realize that to be enlightened takes more than having a consistent spiritual practice and feeling connected to the Divine. It means we have to continuously expand our entire being so that it is capable of holding and disseminating light or Source energy. In order for us to be harvesters of the light, our emotional, physical, psychological and ethereal bodies must undergo purification and balancing process that forces us to evolve to a higher level.

There are many ways Spirit can help us go through the evolution process of purification and balancing. For example, those who need to come into alignment with their physical body may experience a series of health crisis or injuries. But for those of us that need the most balancing in our emotional and psychological bodies, Spirit assists us in our evolution via our personal relationships.

We all know by now that our partner reflect the stability or instability of our inner world and the drama that is being played out in our relationships is the very drama that needs to be healed inside of ourselves. But here’s where we trip ourselves up; instead of searching out our inner dysfunctional patterns and healing them, we keep our focus and energy on our partners’ behavior.

There’s this adage about relationships that says, ‘the horns on his head fits the holes in her head.” Meaning, the partner in our lives has the very ingredient that we need to bring up into balance. Now that’s not to say that your mate completes you, its saying that they provide the exact experience or situation to help you to complete yourself.

I recently had a male client whose girlfriend left him. Without warning, she packed her bag and left with another man, needlesstosay, he was almost inconsolable. For months he cried, cussed and drank too much. He could not wrap his head around why the love of his life would do such a thing. He had given her everything she wanted, he would tell me over and over at each of our sessions, yet she still was not satisfied!

Healing Techniques
So what do you do when someone you love ain’t acting right? Should you leave them? Should you get revenge? What? When hit with a devastating blow like my client, most of us blame the partner who is acting out. ‘How dare they do that to me,’ we say to ourselves. Our rage and sadness seems to fill our entire being, and finally we become fixated on either getting revenge or never letting that happen again to us.
We must realize that what we are experiencing with our partner can be used as a service towards our Higher Good, if we allow it to. When I said that to my client, he told me that I was out of my mind, and if I spent one day in his pain, I would not be saying that. Once he was able to calm down long enough, I was able to provide him with some tools to assist him in his healing and growth, the very tools that I will share with you.

Invoke Spiritual Guidance. To invoke spiritual guidance means to ask for spiritual assistance to help you get calm and clear long enough to feel present with our experience. Most people do this by praying or going into a meditative state.
Ask for clarity. Our thoughts and emotions become so skewed and out of focus that our five senses and even our intuition becomes distorted. When you ask Spirit for clarity, also ask that Spirit give you a sign that you have received it. You may get a tingling feeling in your body, a book may drop on the floor, the TV volume may go up unexpectedly; Spirit can use a variety of ways to let you know that It has delivered your request, but you must pay attention!

Ask for revelation. Ask Spirit to reveal to you all the situations and circumstances that brought you to this healing opportunity. Sometimes it’s best to ask Spirit specific questions such as; what has my partner come into my life to teach me? What do I need to do to feel better and move forward? If you follow the first two steps you will be clear enough to ask the questions specific for your situation. Please keep in mind that this step is not a one shot deal. This step can take weeks and even months to get through; it all depends on factors such as timing, and your readiness to face the truth. Every persons answer to their revelation will come about different. You may be prompted to read a book, hear a song, or you may recall a memory or a dream. Again, the important thing is that you remain open to receive information that will reveal the clues to your healing.

Record your progress. I personally prefer writing out my insights, feels and progress in a journal. You can also use recording devices such as a tape recorder or a webcam. This process not only gives you a measure of your growth, but it is very cathartic to release all of that information and emotion that can sometimes get stuck inside our psyche.

Detach from the Drama! This is very important! There’s no need for you to get on the phone cussing and sniveling about how wrong you were treated. You don’t need to get a blow by blow run down on what your ‘transgressor’ has done, is doing and planning on doing. You don’t need to stand toe to toe in a screaming match, nor do you need to call their job and tell their boss how much of a boil they are. No, remember we are focusing on healing and releasing the energetic attachment within us that is bringing these situations into our experience. So keep the focus on you no matter what!

Have Compassion. In the eyes of Spirit, we are all innocent and guilty, Meaning we have all been the victim and the villain. If you can see yourself and your partner in this light, it will be easier for you to detach from the hard negative emotions. Compassion for self is not self pity. Compassion feels the sorrow, yet holds the intention to alleviate it. Compassion for your partner is not condoning their misdeeds. Compassion for your partner is recognizing that they too are learning and evolving, and holding the intention to either support them in their efforts or not to stand in the way of their choices.

In closing, relationships are the incubator for our spiritual growth. If we have the courage to take responsibility for our own suffering and healing you will be amazed at much inner strength, confidence and wisdom you will receive. Please remember that healing and growth takes time and cannot be rushed. Take as long as you need before moving on to the next step. You will know when it’s time to move on forward.

As a precaution, if you feel like you are extremely sad, lonely, angry or frustrated, please reach out for professional medical support. Sometimes the extra support and objective listener can do wonders for our progress. Many Blessings on your next level of spiritual evolution!

Keesha Washington is the founder and spiritual relationship coach at Soul Mate Assistance. She assists soul mates in making sense of the confusion and conflict they are having with their soul mate . She helps soul mates identify and remove any impediments that are blocking their soul mate connection. And she helps individuals step by step in attracting their soul mate into their life.

©2010 all rights reserved Keesha Washington

Spiritual Relationship Restoration 101: COMPASSION

I assert over and over that the old format of relationships is dying as we speak. With the advancement of technology, science and medicine, the survival based relationships are no longer necessary; yet in still, marriages and families are falling apart. And although we have evolved on a material plane, we are still suffering from emotional and spiritual immaturity.

One mode of survival that we have taken on throughout history, that has done us more harm than good, is the false concept of individuality. We were so vulnerable to the elements, animals and disease, our primary focal was on protecting ourselves from these things. We learned to become islands unto ourselves. In the course of shielding from things, we have taken on the attitude of individuality.

The poisonous venom of individuality has become popularized especially through our capitalistic system. To have society tell it, it’s okay to only think about satisfying your needs and desires, even at the expense of someone else. The concept of individuality has created an emotional and ethereal imprint of dysfunction in us, giving us limited access to higher states of consciousness, personal empowerment cooperation and love. Absolutely nothing in the great cosmos acts independent. Scientist and metaphysicians agree that the most fundamental truth of all truths is that all of life and ‘death’ is interconnected. Anything that tries to break away from the interconnectedness will eventually kill itself.

Individuality has limited our ability to feel the full range of our emotions. Individuality has also limited our ability to feel responsibility towards each other. People who live their lives solely from the ‘ I gotta get mines, you got yours to get’ philosophy have closed hearts and are unable to cooperate in loving and supportive relationships. They are not properly equipped to appropriately handle the fluctuations of relating to another.

We have lost our ability to care, to serve and to suffer with one another. Our compassion has been compromised and it must be resurrected in order for us to have successful relationships. It’s unfortunate that a unified response to pain and suffering only occurs when catastrophic events happen in the world, but what about the suffering in the home and in our community?

Compassion is the sympathetic consciousness of others distress and the desire to alleviate it. It is more vigorous than empathy. Compassion usually prompts one to take action towards ending the suffering. To be compassionate in our personal relationships requires that we first drop the individuality person. It also requires for us to learn how to function as an interdependent unit, where I can acknowledge your pain without the fear of becoming engulfed in it.

The demonstration of compassion in our relationships gives everyone the opportunity to learn and grow. It creates a space for love to identify and remove errors. Compassion is not pity, nor is it enabling. Just because you have the desire to alleviate pain, does not always mean that you should or can do it.

In sum, I invite all of us to release the false notion that we are own CPU (Centralized Programming Units). Our natural and divine programming is love and connection. Take time to tune into your relationships “issues” with a just and loving attitude. Let us all take responsibility for holding up our part of love.

Keesha Washington is the founder and spiritual relationship coach of Soul Mate Assistance. She assists soul mates in making sense of the confusion and conflict they are having with their soul mate . She helps soul mates identify and remove any impediments that are blocking their soul mate connection. And she helps individuals step by step in attracting their soul mate into their life.

Why Your Relationships Are Not Working

If your relationship is not working it’s because you do not have a true understanding of what a relationship is and what it takes to be in one! We all want to believe it’s the other person that is messing things up “Look, he’s cheating, hey she’s a nag or he won’t open up to me.” Are some of the common accusations that fly out of the mouths of people experiencing troubled relationships? They will provide evidence and tears to attest to the fact that they have been hurt by the other. One will lash out at the other to ‘pay back’ their bad behavior, and in turn, the other will retaliate in some way, just to even the score! Round and round couples go on the merry-go-wheel of ‘love’, when they will stop, no one knows.

A great majority of us have been miseducated about relationships. Throughout history, people entered and stayed in relationship for reasons other than what they were designed for. Marriage and other romantic partnerships have been based on conditions, by two broken people with a great deal of conscious and subconscious fears. To make matters worse, our societies corporation, media and religious institutions have either cashed in or played into those fears by creating an unrealistic idea of what a relationship ‘should’ be. Is it any wonder why relationships are falling apart!

There was a time in history were we as human believed that we need each other to survive on a physical level, and it was true. We did not always have the same science and technology that we enjoy today. Women, children, the elderly and the handicap had the greatest chance of death or impoverishment. Contracts such as marriage, civil unions and such were set up to ‘protect’ the ‘weaker ones’ in society. These contracts were also used as an assurance that the physical relationship becomes a possession of the parties involved.

We have made great strides in technology and science, so the physical survival of marriages and families is no longer a major issue. But one of the residual affects relationships and families are facing today is emotional and spiritual immaturity.

Now that the earth’s consciousness is shifting to a higher frequency, all concepts, ideologies and applications of relationships and relating to one another is shifting. Within the last ten years or so, many families and marriages have collapsed. This collapsing is occurring because humanity is evolving emotionally and spiritually and we are dissatisfied with the old relationship format.

This evolutionary process will put back into place the real intent of relationships, and that is a union of sharing, caring and cooperation based on unconditional love.

Because humanity has been stuck in the old relationship paradigm for so long, we have been conditioned to have fault expectations of ourselves and our partners. It’s the expectations that are the problem and changing the expectations is the resolution!

Relationships are the incubator for our spiritual growth. Our greatest opportunity for healing and growing spiritually is through our personal relationships. But unfortunately not everyone takes advantage of this opportunity. Our conditioned neediness and ignorance has blinded us from seeing the opportunity. Many of us have suffered behind our fault beliefs and expectations. We have waged war, shut down and shut out the people we claimed to love all because we believe they have failed us; but in truth, we have failed ourselves.

My story

I grew up an abused child. I spent the good majority of my childhood in foster care and residential treatment centers for abandoned children. When I was 15, I was diagnosed with Systemic Lupus. I was very ill and very scared because I had no one that could consistently care for me. Although I managed to go to college and garner some measure of success in my career, I had secretly believed that I was inherently unlovable and that God struck me with this debilitating illness because HE even hated me.

I had no idea what love was and really was not interested in it; I just wanted to be taken care of and someone to tell me that they would never leave me. So of course I married the first man that told me these things. Well, this man had a scorching addiction to crack cocaine, but I married him and had children with him anyway.

On the outside, I looked like this well put together career woman, wife and mother, but on the inside of my home and heart I was an absolute mess! I knew that I was married to a very sick man that had no intentions of getting better. I knew that my children were being traumatized by all of the insanity that was going on in the home, but I would not leave the marriage. I believed like most people that I needed a relationship to be complete, to feel secure. I was scared to absolute death of living a life alone and sick with three dependent children. Most of all, I could not bear the feelings of being unlovable.

Our focus in relationships should be about purifying our faulty belief systems about ourselves, and then we could direct our attention to our partnership. Most relationship has this silent agreement of you do what I say and I will give you what you want. When any disruption to this agreement occurs, panic sets in. The fear is real to them because we have been conditioned to treat each other parasitically; and if he or she leaves, how will we survive?

A Spiritual Awakening

My relationship with my ex-husband brought me to my knees! The insanity and depravity was so great that I was forced to look at no one but myself to take the steps to change. I started out by going to self help support groups and reading empowerment literature, but the most powerful change occurred when I stepped into my own Divinity.

I was not only sick emotionally and physically, but I was sick spiritually. I believed that I alone was the only one acting on my behalf, and that I was alone in a cold Universe that set me up to fail. I did not realize that I was creating my own painful existence and that my opportunities for true healing came in the disguised as neglectful and abusive parents, an illness and being married to a crack addicted husband.

My awakening was slow but steady. First I had to come to my Higher Power for help, then it took time for me to believe that that Power could and would work in my life. Then finally I had to learn to trust , trust in this great invisible force, and trust my own intuition and strength.

Most of us are looking in the wrong place for what we really need. It’s like going to Home Depot to buy milk! The number one reason why people cannot maintain emotional connectivity and fidelity in love relationships is because they are sick spiritually. They do not have a firm belief and practice in the power of spirituality. Their expectations are laid in the belief that their partner can make their lives better. That if only so and so could get there stuff together, my life would be alright. No, it all begins and ends with your commitment to healing your own bout of spiritual illness.

A New Way of Relating

As previously mentioned, men and women are waking up to the truth that the old way must die. But some of them are at a lost on what to replace it with. But as we enter this new cycle of enlightment, we will be forced to go within to make those changes. Unconditional love will be the standard of relationships on every platform, not only in the romantic arena. Unconditional love does not require us to accept the unacceptable in ourselves and in others; it asks that we learn to love ourselves enough to make life affirming choices for our lives and the lives of those we are responsible for. Unconditional love will heal our faulty expectations and provide us with relief from acting like demigods, with the notion that we have to fix everything and anybody.

In Conclusion

When I knew I was strong enough emotionally, physically and spiritually, I filed for divorce. I knew I was ready to release my husband, and the lesson that he gifted to me. I was ready to continue learning self love and acceptance in a different way. I no longer needed pain to teach me. I was scared to death, but I put one foot in front of the other, not sure whether I would be stepping on solid ground, but I did and still am every time. My path is not laid out in gold and roses, but I lean on a lesson well learned in my heart, I trust myself and the unfailing workings of my Higher Power and I do my best not to ‘feed’ on any relationships for my survival.

Take the first step and go within. Reach down and pull the root of your faultiness. Do your best everyday to ask for spiritual guidance and put the footwork into your healing.

Keesha Washington is the founder and spiritual relationship coach at Soul Mate Assistance She assists soul mates in making sense of the confusion and conflict they are having with their soul mate . She helps soul mates identify and remove any impediments that are blocking their soul mate connection. And she helps individuals step by step in attracting their soul mate into their life.


©2010 all rights reserved Keesha Washington, Soul Mate Assistance

Unifying Duality in Relationships

Relationships are the incubator for our spiritual development. Within each romantic relationship, whether it’s heterosexual or homosexual, there is interplay of masculine and feminine energy. Lovers choose each other’s energy dynamic to balance their own, whether they realize this or not.

The masculine and feminine energy are forces, two streams of consciousness. We all have both forces inside of us, and we are here as Divine Beings to learn how to balance these energies so that we can create more love, peace and harmony on the planet.

The Divine masculine force has a positive charge- it is the Will and the Thought. The masculine energy expressions has been characterized as: doing, aggressive, analytical, concrete, impatient, striving, rushing, assertive, left brain, thrusting, organizing, logical, busy, hard and controlling.

The Divine feminine force or consciousness is the negative charge- Receptivity and the Heart. The feminine energy played out in human expression as: being, surrender, intuitive, abstract, patient, tranquil, nurturing, receptive, right brain, receiving, synthesizing, creative, calm, soft and allowing.

These opposite forces reflect the dual nature of our Creator, these are the very forces that arrange and organize this physical Universe.

The spiritual goal, if you will, in romantic relationships is not to accumulate wealth, have tons of pretty babies and die in orgasmic bliss. The goal is for both individuals in the relationship to balance masculine and feminine energy within themselves so that they can become a fully integrated person that can respond appropriately to stimulus within self and outside of self.

We have been taught to either contribute to our romantic relationships from either a hyper-feminine or hyper-masculine position. In order to play these roles, we must neglect a huge part of our being, which creates a whole host of dysfunctional patterns in the relationship. We have become dependent on each other’s energy staying at a stagnated level. Any fluctuations coming from either partner’s energetic field creates a sense of panic and sometimes, an all out war.

Usually crisis or feelings of dissatisfaction forces couples to change the exchange of energy and evolve spiritually. The inner dissatisfaction will reach a tipping point and the Universal Law of Attraction will respond to this inner plead by creating circumstances that offer opportunities for change. The severity of the changes depends on the person’s level of growth and attachment to their energetic identity.

Let’s take the hyper-masculine male partner as an example; he comes into the relationship with a strong need to be the breadwinner. He believes that his contribution to the relationship is how much money and resources he brings into the household. He does not express his emotions and avoids any subject dealing with his feelings.

Say that his obliging hyper-feminine female partner comes down with a disabling illness where she cannot ‘keep house’ or ‘mine the children’ as she had done previously. The male now finds himself at the crossroads in his spiritual evolution. He can choose to cut out of the relationship, keeping his hyper-masculine energy intact, or he can begin to tap into his feminine energy to address the needs of his family.

As he learns to shift between his masculine and feminine energy, he changes the dynamics of the relationship and becomes more secure within himself. He experiences a higher level of creativity and allows more unconditional love to flow within the connection.

As men and women evolve on their own spiritual path, they will find themselves either leaving relationships with partners that ‘suck their energy’, or learning to balance their own energy within the relationships that they are already in.

Women who had previously relied on their mate’s masculine energy are learning how to assimilate their own masculinity. They will take more risks and speak up for themselves. And with practice they will be able to seamlessly shift between energies without losing their femininity.

Men who were dependent on their mate’s feminine energy are also learning how to integrate their feminine aspects from within. Men are having greater challenges in doing this because it is not traditionally accepted. The shift in men is enabling them to express emotions and aspect of creativity that were latent.

In sum, the evolutionary process is forcing us to come into alignment with who we are. The deep inner dissatisfaction of role playing and conditional standards have been the catalyst for change. We are opening ourselves up to power of unconditional love as we reunite the energies from within. We will soon evolve pass the male/ female battle for supremacy and learn to come live together in a field of unified duality.