When Someone You Love Ain't Acting Right

I cannot count how many clients seek out my services because they are having problems with their mate’s behavior. To them, it seems like no matter how hard they try, their partners just don’t want to follow the “program”. They just cannot understand why someone who profess’ that they love them would do things like runaway, cheat or lie. They come to me feeling the terrible pain of anger, loneliness, frustration and sadness.

The men and women that I work with are not novice to spirituality. Most of them have a great deal of spiritual practice under their belts. They are out in the community sharing their experience strength and hope by helping others to find their path. Yet some of them don’t realize that to be enlightened takes more than having a consistent spiritual practice and feeling connected to the Divine. It means we have to continuously expand our entire being so that it is capable of holding and disseminating light or Source energy. In order for us to be harvesters of the light, our emotional, physical, psychological and ethereal bodies must undergo purification and balancing process that forces us to evolve to a higher level.

There are many ways Spirit can help us go through the evolution process of purification and balancing. For example, those who need to come into alignment with their physical body may experience a series of health crisis or injuries. But for those of us that need the most balancing in our emotional and psychological bodies, Spirit assists us in our evolution via our personal relationships.

We all know by now that our partner reflect the stability or instability of our inner world and the drama that is being played out in our relationships is the very drama that needs to be healed inside of ourselves. But here’s where we trip ourselves up; instead of searching out our inner dysfunctional patterns and healing them, we keep our focus and energy on our partners’ behavior.

There’s this adage about relationships that says, ‘the horns on his head fits the holes in her head.” Meaning, the partner in our lives has the very ingredient that we need to bring up into balance. Now that’s not to say that your mate completes you, its saying that they provide the exact experience or situation to help you to complete yourself.

I recently had a male client whose girlfriend left him. Without warning, she packed her bag and left with another man, needlesstosay, he was almost inconsolable. For months he cried, cussed and drank too much. He could not wrap his head around why the love of his life would do such a thing. He had given her everything she wanted, he would tell me over and over at each of our sessions, yet she still was not satisfied!

Healing Techniques
So what do you do when someone you love ain’t acting right? Should you leave them? Should you get revenge? What? When hit with a devastating blow like my client, most of us blame the partner who is acting out. ‘How dare they do that to me,’ we say to ourselves. Our rage and sadness seems to fill our entire being, and finally we become fixated on either getting revenge or never letting that happen again to us.
We must realize that what we are experiencing with our partner can be used as a service towards our Higher Good, if we allow it to. When I said that to my client, he told me that I was out of my mind, and if I spent one day in his pain, I would not be saying that. Once he was able to calm down long enough, I was able to provide him with some tools to assist him in his healing and growth, the very tools that I will share with you.

Invoke Spiritual Guidance. To invoke spiritual guidance means to ask for spiritual assistance to help you get calm and clear long enough to feel present with our experience. Most people do this by praying or going into a meditative state.
Ask for clarity. Our thoughts and emotions become so skewed and out of focus that our five senses and even our intuition becomes distorted. When you ask Spirit for clarity, also ask that Spirit give you a sign that you have received it. You may get a tingling feeling in your body, a book may drop on the floor, the TV volume may go up unexpectedly; Spirit can use a variety of ways to let you know that It has delivered your request, but you must pay attention!

Ask for revelation. Ask Spirit to reveal to you all the situations and circumstances that brought you to this healing opportunity. Sometimes it’s best to ask Spirit specific questions such as; what has my partner come into my life to teach me? What do I need to do to feel better and move forward? If you follow the first two steps you will be clear enough to ask the questions specific for your situation. Please keep in mind that this step is not a one shot deal. This step can take weeks and even months to get through; it all depends on factors such as timing, and your readiness to face the truth. Every persons answer to their revelation will come about different. You may be prompted to read a book, hear a song, or you may recall a memory or a dream. Again, the important thing is that you remain open to receive information that will reveal the clues to your healing.

Record your progress. I personally prefer writing out my insights, feels and progress in a journal. You can also use recording devices such as a tape recorder or a webcam. This process not only gives you a measure of your growth, but it is very cathartic to release all of that information and emotion that can sometimes get stuck inside our psyche.

Detach from the Drama! This is very important! There’s no need for you to get on the phone cussing and sniveling about how wrong you were treated. You don’t need to get a blow by blow run down on what your ‘transgressor’ has done, is doing and planning on doing. You don’t need to stand toe to toe in a screaming match, nor do you need to call their job and tell their boss how much of a boil they are. No, remember we are focusing on healing and releasing the energetic attachment within us that is bringing these situations into our experience. So keep the focus on you no matter what!

Have Compassion. In the eyes of Spirit, we are all innocent and guilty, Meaning we have all been the victim and the villain. If you can see yourself and your partner in this light, it will be easier for you to detach from the hard negative emotions. Compassion for self is not self pity. Compassion feels the sorrow, yet holds the intention to alleviate it. Compassion for your partner is not condoning their misdeeds. Compassion for your partner is recognizing that they too are learning and evolving, and holding the intention to either support them in their efforts or not to stand in the way of their choices.

In closing, relationships are the incubator for our spiritual growth. If we have the courage to take responsibility for our own suffering and healing you will be amazed at much inner strength, confidence and wisdom you will receive. Please remember that healing and growth takes time and cannot be rushed. Take as long as you need before moving on to the next step. You will know when it’s time to move on forward.

As a precaution, if you feel like you are extremely sad, lonely, angry or frustrated, please reach out for professional medical support. Sometimes the extra support and objective listener can do wonders for our progress. Many Blessings on your next level of spiritual evolution!

Keesha Washington is the founder and spiritual relationship coach at Soul Mate Assistance. She assists soul mates in making sense of the confusion and conflict they are having with their soul mate . She helps soul mates identify and remove any impediments that are blocking their soul mate connection. And she helps individuals step by step in attracting their soul mate into their life.

©2010 all rights reserved Keesha Washington