Why Your Relationships Are Not Working

If your relationship is not working it’s because you do not have a true understanding of what a relationship is and what it takes to be in one! We all want to believe it’s the other person that is messing things up “Look, he’s cheating, hey she’s a nag or he won’t open up to me.” Are some of the common accusations that fly out of the mouths of people experiencing troubled relationships? They will provide evidence and tears to attest to the fact that they have been hurt by the other. One will lash out at the other to ‘pay back’ their bad behavior, and in turn, the other will retaliate in some way, just to even the score! Round and round couples go on the merry-go-wheel of ‘love’, when they will stop, no one knows.

A great majority of us have been miseducated about relationships. Throughout history, people entered and stayed in relationship for reasons other than what they were designed for. Marriage and other romantic partnerships have been based on conditions, by two broken people with a great deal of conscious and subconscious fears. To make matters worse, our societies corporation, media and religious institutions have either cashed in or played into those fears by creating an unrealistic idea of what a relationship ‘should’ be. Is it any wonder why relationships are falling apart!

There was a time in history were we as human believed that we need each other to survive on a physical level, and it was true. We did not always have the same science and technology that we enjoy today. Women, children, the elderly and the handicap had the greatest chance of death or impoverishment. Contracts such as marriage, civil unions and such were set up to ‘protect’ the ‘weaker ones’ in society. These contracts were also used as an assurance that the physical relationship becomes a possession of the parties involved.

We have made great strides in technology and science, so the physical survival of marriages and families is no longer a major issue. But one of the residual affects relationships and families are facing today is emotional and spiritual immaturity.

Now that the earth’s consciousness is shifting to a higher frequency, all concepts, ideologies and applications of relationships and relating to one another is shifting. Within the last ten years or so, many families and marriages have collapsed. This collapsing is occurring because humanity is evolving emotionally and spiritually and we are dissatisfied with the old relationship format.

This evolutionary process will put back into place the real intent of relationships, and that is a union of sharing, caring and cooperation based on unconditional love.

Because humanity has been stuck in the old relationship paradigm for so long, we have been conditioned to have fault expectations of ourselves and our partners. It’s the expectations that are the problem and changing the expectations is the resolution!

Relationships are the incubator for our spiritual growth. Our greatest opportunity for healing and growing spiritually is through our personal relationships. But unfortunately not everyone takes advantage of this opportunity. Our conditioned neediness and ignorance has blinded us from seeing the opportunity. Many of us have suffered behind our fault beliefs and expectations. We have waged war, shut down and shut out the people we claimed to love all because we believe they have failed us; but in truth, we have failed ourselves.

My story

I grew up an abused child. I spent the good majority of my childhood in foster care and residential treatment centers for abandoned children. When I was 15, I was diagnosed with Systemic Lupus. I was very ill and very scared because I had no one that could consistently care for me. Although I managed to go to college and garner some measure of success in my career, I had secretly believed that I was inherently unlovable and that God struck me with this debilitating illness because HE even hated me.

I had no idea what love was and really was not interested in it; I just wanted to be taken care of and someone to tell me that they would never leave me. So of course I married the first man that told me these things. Well, this man had a scorching addiction to crack cocaine, but I married him and had children with him anyway.

On the outside, I looked like this well put together career woman, wife and mother, but on the inside of my home and heart I was an absolute mess! I knew that I was married to a very sick man that had no intentions of getting better. I knew that my children were being traumatized by all of the insanity that was going on in the home, but I would not leave the marriage. I believed like most people that I needed a relationship to be complete, to feel secure. I was scared to absolute death of living a life alone and sick with three dependent children. Most of all, I could not bear the feelings of being unlovable.

Our focus in relationships should be about purifying our faulty belief systems about ourselves, and then we could direct our attention to our partnership. Most relationship has this silent agreement of you do what I say and I will give you what you want. When any disruption to this agreement occurs, panic sets in. The fear is real to them because we have been conditioned to treat each other parasitically; and if he or she leaves, how will we survive?

A Spiritual Awakening

My relationship with my ex-husband brought me to my knees! The insanity and depravity was so great that I was forced to look at no one but myself to take the steps to change. I started out by going to self help support groups and reading empowerment literature, but the most powerful change occurred when I stepped into my own Divinity.

I was not only sick emotionally and physically, but I was sick spiritually. I believed that I alone was the only one acting on my behalf, and that I was alone in a cold Universe that set me up to fail. I did not realize that I was creating my own painful existence and that my opportunities for true healing came in the disguised as neglectful and abusive parents, an illness and being married to a crack addicted husband.

My awakening was slow but steady. First I had to come to my Higher Power for help, then it took time for me to believe that that Power could and would work in my life. Then finally I had to learn to trust , trust in this great invisible force, and trust my own intuition and strength.

Most of us are looking in the wrong place for what we really need. It’s like going to Home Depot to buy milk! The number one reason why people cannot maintain emotional connectivity and fidelity in love relationships is because they are sick spiritually. They do not have a firm belief and practice in the power of spirituality. Their expectations are laid in the belief that their partner can make their lives better. That if only so and so could get there stuff together, my life would be alright. No, it all begins and ends with your commitment to healing your own bout of spiritual illness.

A New Way of Relating

As previously mentioned, men and women are waking up to the truth that the old way must die. But some of them are at a lost on what to replace it with. But as we enter this new cycle of enlightment, we will be forced to go within to make those changes. Unconditional love will be the standard of relationships on every platform, not only in the romantic arena. Unconditional love does not require us to accept the unacceptable in ourselves and in others; it asks that we learn to love ourselves enough to make life affirming choices for our lives and the lives of those we are responsible for. Unconditional love will heal our faulty expectations and provide us with relief from acting like demigods, with the notion that we have to fix everything and anybody.

In Conclusion

When I knew I was strong enough emotionally, physically and spiritually, I filed for divorce. I knew I was ready to release my husband, and the lesson that he gifted to me. I was ready to continue learning self love and acceptance in a different way. I no longer needed pain to teach me. I was scared to death, but I put one foot in front of the other, not sure whether I would be stepping on solid ground, but I did and still am every time. My path is not laid out in gold and roses, but I lean on a lesson well learned in my heart, I trust myself and the unfailing workings of my Higher Power and I do my best not to ‘feed’ on any relationships for my survival.

Take the first step and go within. Reach down and pull the root of your faultiness. Do your best everyday to ask for spiritual guidance and put the footwork into your healing.

Keesha Washington is the founder and spiritual relationship coach at Soul Mate Assistance She assists soul mates in making sense of the confusion and conflict they are having with their soul mate . She helps soul mates identify and remove any impediments that are blocking their soul mate connection. And she helps individuals step by step in attracting their soul mate into their life.


©2010 all rights reserved Keesha Washington, Soul Mate Assistance